Sometimes I wish I was still a kid

9 Sep

That age we all were in, where life was simple and boys had cooties. At my age, most girls are looking for guys, dating or just plainly hooking up. Love is all about our whimsical desires. I don’t really know many girls in serious relationships (and by serious, I mean past the 2 year honeymoon phase). So I have really nobody to talk to, nobody who really knows what I’m going through and how to give advice that wasn’t “he’s not worth your time, dump him.” Its sad when that is the first response that is given to any relationship trouble. It shows me how little that people care about even fighting for love anymore. It’s probably why the divorce rate in first world countries are so high – we simply want to take the easy way out because we can.

Life isn’t easy and that lesson is taught to us wayy to often, more than it should be taught. In the same vein, love isn’t easy either and it isn’t meant to be. If it was easy, we wouldn’t place such high value on it. However, it seems with everything else in our lives becoming easier, we expect love to be as well. But guess what? Love is the hardest thing anyone will go through in life. There is nothing harder than handling love.

You might be thinking, what does this girl know? She’s only 18. But I do know. I have gone through life experiencing so much hardship. I’ve gone through all kinds of discrimination, abuse/bullying, depression, I’ve even been assaulted in a public place and is just naming a few of the things I’ve been through. I’ve gone through a lot and I understand a lot more than people my age and heck, more than what people twice my age might have gone through.

But my beacon of light through all of this has always been my man. We’ve known each other for more than 4 years and have been on and off throughout those four years, more often on than off. He was the one who was there throughout my darkest times. whenever I was crying or hurting. He was even there when I was angry and I took it all out on him. He’s honestly the best guy I’ve known my whole life and he too has gone through a whole lot of shit.

But our relationship has never been easy and I highly doubt it will ever be easy. We fight often and make each other cry a lot. Honestly, I love him more than he loves me right now and we both know it. Just yesterday, I had to fight to even keep him in my life. Stupid right? There are so many more fish in the sea right? But you know what that line means? That there aren’t many dolphins left.

I love him with all of my heart and I know most people have told me to just leave him, that he’s an asshole and he doesn’t treat me right etc but they don’t know him. They don’t know everything that has happened. They could never understand. He is the sweetest, smartest and bravest guy I know. He hasn’t saved a life but he lives seperate from his family who are doing good for the world, on a low income. He studies whilst looking after his house and cooking and cleaning. He is absolutely amazing and nobody could ever compare to him.

You know how everyone has that best friend, the one that knows you like no other? Well he’s that for me. He is the love of my life and I will always love him. He knows and understands me so well. It’s hard for me to hold on, and its hard for him too but we keep trying because tomorrow is always another day.

I know some of my friends would be angry that I am still with him and fighting for us, but I don’t care. I really don’t care anymore. They caused a rift between us once but will never again. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I would not be here, strong and alive if it wasn’t for him. Yes, sometimes we don’t talk for months but we both know that the other is there and that we still love each other. I’m his princess and he’s my prince. I love him more than anything and I will always fight for him.

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